swish

I’m back doing horse-y things again. Riding is something I have to make time for, no matter what the order of the day. I was really happy today, and still am. It was rainy and dark and I felt glad because it is Friday, and tomorrow is Saturday and it will in all likeliness be rainy and cold tomorrow. I’ll drive over to the barn, push the heavy sliding door closed behind me, the twinkle of the lights overhead, horses happily munching on hay, rain on the tin roof, the warmth of the smells; leather, sweet grain, and earth, everything swims together, worries and cares disappear.

I am making dinner tomorrow night. Chicken Divan. It sounds perfect and I can’t wait to eat it. I haven’t figured out what to make for dessert but I think it should be something chocolate(y). Either that or lemon bars. It sounds kind of extreme. Chocolate or lemon bars. Maybe both! I feel like it’s going to be a good weekend.

EGE

so close

I love nights that are comfortable, sweater nights. You don’t necessarily need one on, but you just feel nicer with one. When it is time for bed, you can wear your sweater to bed, slip under the covers, and feel how deliciously cool the sheets feel on your legs and feet, and all the tired aches slowly fade.

Saturday was my Mothers birthday. I spent the morning decorating. I used some old Smithsonian magazines and newsprint to make chain links and a kind of nautical style Happy Birthday garland. Pictures to come. I listened to some good music and just enjoyed decorating and being in the moment, clipping magazines, stopping to read old articles… Dad made egg rolls, his specialty. We rarely ever have them because they are such work to make. I think the last time we had them was for Mothers birthday last year. Dad sits at the kitchen table that he made for Mother when they got married, he has a little bowl of water, rice paper and the mix of pork, cabbage, carrots and other things that smell amazing. Last year while making them, he chattered away in ‘Chinese’. This year, he sings Italian songs. I set the table and poured water into glasses and realized that almost everything we have in life, that we need, could either save us or kill us. Water, fire, Ice…

We give Mother her gifts and she loves them all, eating cake, smiling, the sun was shining on her hair, making it look red.

There’s a space when winter hasn’t officially ended, and spring hasn’t quite begun, where the clouds are spread and lined with greys and purples against a medium blue sky, the sun is setting, casting long, cold shadows of trees and barns on our yard, on the church. It feels like fall, except right now, better. Because you know it will get warmer and you will not need to carry a sweater with you for the late nights in the park. It will be warm, hot, humid, the thunderstorms are coming and tall flowers will line the sidewalk.

Mother and Dads room is across the hall. They go to bed very early. Often, when I get home from work around 7:30, they are already upstairs, curled up, playing a game of cribbage or watching a movie. Then they talk as they fall asleep. I sit at my desk, working on classes, (or pretending to) and I hear the low, deep vibration of Dad and a higher, softer hum as Mother responds. I never can hear everything they’re saying, sometimes I catch little clips here and there, but mostly it just sounds like music. A little song they sing, every night. Singing themselves to sleep.

EGE

P.S. Is it just me or does my blog title seem kind like it could be a breed of dinosaur?

goodbye

the fur on my hood tickles my ear
it feels like I’ve worn this coat for years
I turn my head away
and this is how it feels saying goodbye to those you so love
an unshed tear falls silently and it tears me apart
I look straight on
and this is how it feels saying goodbye to those you so love
the wet sidewalk
raindrops sparkle on my red scarf
I look both ways with my eyes shut
and this is how it feels saying goodbye to those you so love
the music soars, my heart skips a beat
I breathe in sharply
and this is how it feels
she sings so softly, I strain to listen
I squeeze mother’s hand ever so tightly
I cannot move
but somehow I’m walking
straight on, never stopping
and this is how it feels saying goodbye to those you so love.

EGE

“It was close, it was a deep blue, but not opaque.”

I sit and close my eyes and travel back. There – there it is – No, still further –

And then I remember, it was a hot summer and I was 11. Mother and Dad had come home and Dad handed me a book. It was a red, cloth bound hardcover, the edges of the pages were golden and it had cost Dad a quarter. The front was blank but for the impression of a little horse trotting in the lower, right hand corner. There was gold lettering on the binding. ‘MY FRIEND FLICKA’. “It’s about a horse.” Dad was saying. Something excited me and I thumbed through the pages. Little did I know that in a few short years, this book would change the way I saw everything, including the sky. The words on these pages are alive. I did not understand this when I was 11. It stayed on my shelf until – in a fit of boredom a few hot summers later – I pulled it down and read the first line. “High up on the long hill they called the Saddle Back, behind the ranch and the county road, the boy sat his horse, facing east, his eyes dazzled by the rising sun.” And that was all it took. I was in and falling in faster with each coming sentence, drinking in the essence of one of the most beautifully written books in the world. Mary O’Hara writes like people think, and it is amazing. This – this book, was life-changing. I had never read anything so heartbreaking and deep.

“That brief experience of peace and fulfillment that came, she thought, now and then unexpectedly and unaccountably. Why should one, at a certain moment, be held in the stress and ceaseless striving and wanting? And the next be almost swooning in desireless bliss – open, drinking, basking -”

Remembering this book, seeing it’s worn red cover sitting on my desk, sparked a desire to remember the different life-changing happenings I’ve experienced as a result of the written word, artwork, or music. So in the next week or so, I’ll be posting more stories.

“The boy’s eyes burned; there was a choking in his throat, and all through his body a feeling as of rushing torrents…his eyes roved over the hills and woods. He did not know what had ended the cold, weary detachment and united him to the world again, he only knew that it was his own once more, that it was beautiful and alive…and he pressed his face against his father’s sleeve and wept.”

embraceable you

“Dad, can you do me a favor?”
There is a sigh and brief silence ensues.
“What’s the favor?”
“You’re going upstairs anyways so it won’t be out of your way…”
“Esther, what is it?”
“If you go in my room to the right side of the bed, you will see a blue book sitting on the floor. It may seem strange that there is a blue book just sitting in the middle of the floor, but it’s there for a reason. The other night, I was laying in bed on my computer with the lights out and all of the sudden I heard this ‘BUUUUZZZZZZZZZ’ right near my left ear/shoulder and I basically threw the computer and flew out of bed and there was this GIGANTIC stinkbug sitting on my pillow so I grabbed the nearest book (which happened to be blue) and I started beating it and I thought it was dead so I threw the pillow on the floor, stinkbug side down and I left it there. For a couple days. And then today I went upstairs and the thing was crawling, limping towards my desk so I put the blue book on top of it and…”
By this time Dad knew what I was asking so being such an amazing parent he took care of it. Before he did he couldn’t resist calling down and saying ‘ESTHER OH MY WORD!!! THE BOOK IS MOVING!!! I CAN’T DO THIS!!!!’

I had a lot more planned to write tonight. Like profound thoughts on life and why the sky is blue. But I am really tired right now. I am very happy too. God flooded me with an overwhelming sense of how great life is today. It was pretty cool. I think it hit me when I was driving to pick up the Chinese tonight. I was listening to Judy Garland and I was smiling and I thought about how weird it is that we are all grown-up. For the most part.

I’m tired, sorry that this is all. I will post again soon. If I can remember everything I wanted to say.

Esther

Another Try

It would be so much easier to train Flicka on a leash if not everyone on the street wanted to pet her and ask questions. She did good this morning though, well, better than before. : ] So I decided on Thursday night that I was going to let her sleep upstairs with me. So I’m reading history in bed and she’s sleeping next to me and I turned out the light around 12:30 or so. I wake up at 1:00am to her SNORING. I mean, REALLY snoring. I have to give her a bath this morning. She gets spayed in less than two weeks. My poor baby bear. I can’t believe she is actually going to be four months in February! What a great birthday present. She’s getting so big – the vet at the office said she thinks she could be up to 70 lbs or more. (I told Mother and Dad she would be around Coffee’s size – 40 lbs – so I could get her.)

World Civilizations is really interesting. I’m reading this book ‘Guns, Germs, and Steel’ by Jared Diamond for the class. For the month of April our discussion is going to be ‘Religion’. Should be interesting. I haven’t read that book yet, ‘The Reason for God’ by Timothy Keller, but I’d like to read it before April, Dad says it might help me for the class.

Listening to ‘Delicate’ by Damien Rice. His girl that sings with him, Lisa Hannigan, she’s amazing. Her voice is just stunning. There are not many woman-voices out there that are original or set-apart. Rice’s song ‘Volcano’ is absolutely amazing. I’ve been thinking more that The Avett Brothers may be my favorite band. Even over Coldplay. I know, crazy. But they’re songwriting skills are just wicked amazing. They are too cool for school. If you haven’t seen any of the videos I posted of them on Facebook – listen to them. The Avett’s are the only band I know who can play the guitar so beautifully with broken strings. Always remember there was nothing worth sharing like the love that let us share our name.

So Cory Godbey finished my album artwork and it is amazing. If you are a friend on Facebook you can see it there or check out his blog, ‘Light Night Rains’ to see the progress. The hard copy of the CD will be in a sleeve, so there is just a front and back. The back will be album credits in my brother Micah’s hand-drawn typeface which is really great. Micah is also helping me with posters to print up to put around town advertising the CD release party. It’s going to be fun. : ] I heard some new demos from Jeremy and it’s sounding great, I’m really happy with the direction it’s going in. I can’t wait for you all to hear everything, I hope you love it! It’s been such a great experience and I can’t say enough how great and perfect it was for Jeremy to be the producer – totally of the Lord. Many thanks to my bro, Micah for pushing me in the first place. : ]

Today I go to play at the Nursing Home. I play some classical stuff and older tunes. They like it. Then I go sit with Gertrude. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her. I like to go there though, we sit next to the woodstove and watch old movies and drink tea. She tells me stories that make me laugh.

I think I found another puzzle piece this week. Just another thing the Lord showed me to make this life I’m living more beautiful. I’m thankful for that.

And so it is – just like you said it would be – life goes easy on me – most…of the time…
And so it is – just like you said it should be – we’ll both forget the breeze – most…of the time…

life for dummies

I spent 15 minutes, I mean, a SOLID 15 minutes (not kidding here folks) trying to open my car doors this morning. They were not locked. They do have handles on them. They were frozen shut. I’ve taken the early shift for the next few days, covering for someone, so I left this morning at 6:15, well, I spent from 6:00 – 6:20 outside, so I got there a little late. It was ridiculous. Tomorrow is supposed to be colder so I have the crowbar in hand this time. I’ve learned my lesson. They were stuck when I went to my car this afternoon to leave too. See, I think it’s because Freddy is just a big, masculine ball of steel and metal. So he gets cold easily. I still love him.

Annie stole my ipod earbuds, well I think she did, I can’t find them since she left. So I had to get a new pair. This was not a new years resolution, I only made one, mentioned in my first post of the new year, but our fitness team has started again, so I am working out more. I’m going to focus this time. I don’t really have an excuse when the gym is right next to my place of work. Actually, it’s in the same building. I can’t wait for summer when I can run outside. : ) Summer will come fast, you know. We’re already almost halfway through January.

I haven’t been the local library in years. I don’t even have a card anymore I don’t think. I’m going tomorrow to find some books and start up again. The library in town is in this huge, old house. It’s kind of fun to walk through and get lost in the rows of books. I would appreciate any good book recommendations. I’m going to get some classic literature tomorrow, but I’d like to try something different.

Classes start next week. I’m doing something really…stupid. Well, yeah, I don’t know. I’m taking World History 1 & starting World History 2 whilst I am still in the middle of World History 1. The school I’m taking the courses from (ESC) said since I’m a non-matriculated student, I can basically do whatever I want. She said if I think I can handle it then go for it. So I’m going for it. I’m actually really excited to start up some classes again. It will be crazy with the schedule I already have, but I’m looking forward to it. Crazy is good, it helps me push myself, practice restraint, self-control, balance things better and use my time wisely.

I’m working on some new music, personal projects and stuff for other people too, which is really, REALLY cool. It’s nice to work on writing stuff that is specifically for something else. My cello is pretty close to being playable now. I decided I needed to invest in some nicer strings which I think was my main problem. The pegs are gripping a little better and with a little more help we’ll be in good shape. I’m excited about picking it up. My wrists are doing a lot better now, I am sad that I lost so much ground, it is hard to play stuff that used to be really easy. With some hard work and rests in between, I will get back there eventually. So in the past month my collection now boasts two pianos, a trombone, clarinet, flute, accordian, cello and does a shaker count? If I can find the time I’d like to start painting again and sewing. I have a lot of sewing projects I’d like to finish/start and I need to get back into horseback riding. That and fitness go hand in hand.

I’ve learned a few things.

1. It’s OK to love a lot of different things and to pursue those different things. Balance, budget time and it will be OK! You make time for what you want to make time for.

2. Make the effort to see a friend in person instead of email, facebook, phone… Have a cup of tea/coffee and just enjoy the physical presence of a good friend.

3. Don’t procrastinate. ehhh. This one still has a ways to go, but I’ve learned some valuable lessons.

4. Keep your car clean.

5. Good music is essential.

6. Devotions are something I GIVE to God.

More to come on that later. Enjoy the evening!

E.G.E.

how green was my valley

I grabbed myself a sick day today as I have a low-grade fever, a steadily imroving cough and a runny nose. Oh, on top of that I have an ‘Annie-hangover’.

My best-friend, Annie, came to see me for a couple days on her way back down to Greenville. We had a good time just hanging out, talking, listening to music and staying up way too late. We talked a lot about L’Abri, she was able to go to the Switzerland branch this past summer. I’d like to make a trip shortly after I graduate. It’s something that I feel like I need now at the point I am in my life, but I’m trusting the Lord. I’ve started reading the bible chronologically. I’m still on Genesis 1. I just want to take my time and really soak everything up rather than feel pressured to rush through because of the schedule I’ve been provided with. It’s nice to take the time to read other commentaries and look up some Hebrew words and just dig in a little deeper than zooming through it just to say I did it. I’m learning slowly what devotions are, what they’re meant for and what my role is during them. My imperfection is a beautiful thing in contrast to the law and how I am unable to keep it.

I finished reading ‘A Thousand Splendid Suns’ in two days. It was well-written and inspiring. I have a lot of new music I’m wading in, as far as listening and writing is concerned. I’ve thought more about this book I’ve been writing for YEARS. I was thinking about it today and the different directions it’s been taking and if I should even finish it at all. I haven’t decided yet.

The EP is in progress. Officially, Cory Godbey is doing my album artwork – I am completely excited about it. I am a big fan of his work. He’s a really amazing artist and I know he is going to come up with something really beautiful. My brother Micah, of Pica Design, is working on the posters and some other stuff we’ve got in the wings. It’s going to be great. I will let you know release dates as soon as I can. Thanks again for all your support and prayers. I’m very excited about this.

I’m starting some online classes in about a week and will be returning to BJU this coming fall to continue work on my Music Ed degree. I’m really happy about that. I loved school and I’m excited to get back and keep working away. Planning on chipping off a few more courses this summer in preparation.

2009 is going to be just like all the other years. New people, new places, learning things I thought I already knew, growing, a changing world and an un-changing God. We have a lot to be thankful for.

E.G.E.

associations

African Vignettes

I’m not sure if you’ve heard of Paris Reidhead. He was an amazing preacher. I’ve always really been spoken to when hearing him preach, I used to pull his sermons off sermon audio. Really great preacher. He was a missionary to Africa. So I came across someone at work named Paris Reidhead. I mean how often do you hear that name. Naturally, I asked if he was by any chance related to the preacher. He replied that Paris Reidhead was his Father.
So we talked for a while and he said his mother had compiled a book of letters and journal entries from their time in Africa. He said he would bring it to me. A couple of days ago, he brought it by. It’s the most beautiful book I own. So here are some pictures. I love the front cover. Marjorie’s signature in gold lettering on the front and the inside typography is stunning.