the winter winds can blow.

Last night, I put my hand on Heather’s stomach and felt the baby moving around. I’ve never done that before or felt a baby moving inside someone’s stomach. It felt like how it would feel if you could put your hands on the surface of the waters and feel the gentle, rolling movement of whatever was happening beneath the surface.

When I see my siblings, married, starting families of their own, it makes me feel scared and euphoric all at the same time. What great parents they are, they’ll be! How the time flies, how it beats us down like a strong, harsh wind, then lets up and grows into a still, quiet, summer day, paddles from the kayak dipping into the crystal clear water, sun beating down. Time. It flies. I’m grounded.

My mind spins, all day. I write little stories in my head about everything that happens and everything I wish to happen. I’m constantly writing, constantly spinning. Flicka had her paw in my hand tonight, looking as spoiled as she is and I thought about Coffee. Sweet, gentle, loving Coffee, never was a dog loved by a family so dearly and tenderly. She expected our love like we expected the sun to rise. I don’t remember as much about her as I’d like to. I do remember that a photo of her, lying in the grass, head up, eyes looking off somewhere distant, so noble, hung in the midst of the photos of us children for ages. And now with the marching on of time, Coffee lies in the ground and Flicka sits here. Expecting love.

I miss the Inn. I miss sitting by the fire, chatting with Jim about a new recipe he concocted, talking Margie’s ear off while she decorates a cake, the noise of quaint, tidy, main street. I miss the guests, their questions, their excitement to be on a little weekend adventure in a new place. I always felt excited too.

I miss summer walks and picnics with Mother & Dad.

I like school. I like being at college, more than I can say. But sometimes I wish to be by myself for just a little while, and for an old soul to speak their stories and wisdom in my ear.

Photos taken with my Canon Rebel G. film camera, then scanned.

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